38 Weeks

Two more weeks. Two weeks until my life changes forever in ways I can't begin to imagine. I can't pretend to know what I will feel nor do I want to guess. I just know it is coming soon and that I will be forever changed and that my life will have a new purpose, meaning, and focus. My feelings now are difficult to put into words...but I'll try.

Mostly, I'm excited beyond comprehension. I'm excited to see her for the first time and to have some answers to questions we have been happily discussing - will she have hair (I think yes, and lots!), will she have my nose, Cassidy's eyes? Will she be big, small? What will her cry sound like? Will Cassidy cry when he sees his daughter? Will I stop crying? You get the idea...

There are also, as is expected, a lot of nerves about caring for her and wondering if we will do it "right". We've never cared for a baby before and until we took a parenting class, neither of us had ever changed a diaper! People say it will come to us, but I'm grateful that we will have both grandmas taking turns staying with us and helping out.

And the surprising emotion is one of sadness. And I'm not sure "sad" is the right word. The past couple weeks I have had moments of looking at Cassidy and our home and our life together so far. We have been so blessed to have seen so much together and to have been able to live and travel to such amazing places. We have had the luxury of being selfish with each other and our time and part of me is sad that we are going to lose that. I don't want this to sound like this feeling outweighs my happy feelings, b/c it doesn't come close. However, it sometimes pops up and it takes me by surprise every time.

Anyway, just wanted to get these thoughts down now. My next post may be my first as a mother :)