38 Weeks

Two more weeks. Two weeks until my life changes forever in ways I can't begin to imagine. I can't pretend to know what I will feel nor do I want to guess. I just know it is coming soon and that I will be forever changed and that my life will have a new purpose, meaning, and focus. My feelings now are difficult to put into words...but I'll try.

Mostly, I'm excited beyond comprehension. I'm excited to see her for the first time and to have some answers to questions we have been happily discussing - will she have hair (I think yes, and lots!), will she have my nose, Cassidy's eyes? Will she be big, small? What will her cry sound like? Will Cassidy cry when he sees his daughter? Will I stop crying? You get the idea...

There are also, as is expected, a lot of nerves about caring for her and wondering if we will do it "right". We've never cared for a baby before and until we took a parenting class, neither of us had ever changed a diaper! People say it will come to us, but I'm grateful that we will have both grandmas taking turns staying with us and helping out.

And the surprising emotion is one of sadness. And I'm not sure "sad" is the right word. The past couple weeks I have had moments of looking at Cassidy and our home and our life together so far. We have been so blessed to have seen so much together and to have been able to live and travel to such amazing places. We have had the luxury of being selfish with each other and our time and part of me is sad that we are going to lose that. I don't want this to sound like this feeling outweighs my happy feelings, b/c it doesn't come close. However, it sometimes pops up and it takes me by surprise every time.

Anyway, just wanted to get these thoughts down now. My next post may be my first as a mother :)

There's a baby room in our house!

Last weekend we finished Noelle's room and, if I do say so myself, it couldn't be any cuter! I had been holding off on finishing her room until the rest of our home was in good order - mainly that the guest room was finished in anticipation of the house guests we will have for the next few months. But finally last weekend I kicked it into gear and finished up.

I keep the door closed so the cats can't spend too much time in there. However, nearly every time I pass the room I go in the room and smile. While the room makes things more real, part of me still feels like we are playing house.







Everyone keeps asking - "Are you ready?". My response is always "as ready as we can be". I don't think there is any way that we can be totally ready for something that is so unknown to us. Are we ready to meet her and love her? - absolutely! Are we ready to be parents and all that comes with that? - we'll figure it out as we go along. We've taken the classes and read the books, but I don't think that can get us 100% there. My mom arrives on the 18th so she will help fill the gaps in our knowledge and preparedness.

I had my 36 week appt today and all is well. Noelle is head down, but I am not showing any signs of labor yet (aside from a few Braxton Hicks contractions). I think she will come within a few days of her due date so I think I have another 3-4 weeks to go! I need to get another picture in of the belly before then...

Santa Fe, A Wedding, & 30 Weeks

Two weekends ago Cassidy and I traveled to Santa Fe, NM for his sister's wedding. Neither of us had been to NW that we were aware of (possibly a drive through when we were young) and so we were looking forward to spending time in a new place. We also were very aware of the fact that it was our last trip together as a family of two and so took the time to really enjoy each other's company without distraction.

The wedding was a beautiful event on a hillside with the sunset as a backdrop followed by a lovely reception. Cass & I enjoyed spending time with his family and getting so many words of wisdom and advice about our newest addition. The love and attention from all the family was overwhelming at times, but much appreciated. Noelle is one loved little girl and she has so many people excited for her arrival. It's further amplified that she is the first of the next generation on both of our sides of the family.

Below are pictures of us from the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. I will have to get permission from the bride before I post her pictures here...but she looked absolutely stunning...I can tell you that much!

Moving, traveling, showering , etc.

That has been my past month and hence, my lack of blogs. Let's see...since the last post we have packed an apartment, moved to a bigger house (still in the city), traveled to CA for a little mini-vacation along with a baby shower thrown by my mother's wonderful friends, researched and purchased baby and guest room furniture, and looked for a new car (unsuccessfully, so far).

I know, not very exciting for a blog post. However, I do this blog mostly for me and I wanted to remember why I am such a slacker when it comes to posting when there is so much great stuff going on!

On the 9th I felt Noelle's hiccups for the first time. I was in the middle of a meeting and when I realized what was happening, it was very hard to contain my excitement and not ask my client's CFO to feel my belly! I refrained, it would have been akward for all parties involved :) We had our 28 week check up and I got in a sneak ultrasound b/c I happened to be the last appt of the day and my Dr. was in a fabulous mood and did it just for fun! She looked great and was doing her "practice breathing" while we watched her. Today Cass was home when the hiccups started and he could actually hear them when he had his ear on my belly!

Noelle's room is a disaster right now due to our sanding and refinishing of a dresser that Cass's grandfather made. After that is finished and aired out I will post pictures of the progress we are making.

Pictures to come of the belly and other stuff once I find my cord to load them. However, I can show this print, which I bought today for Noelle's room at the handmade fair in Wicker Park. I had been eyeing it on etsy for a while and when I saw it today I snatched it up!

Bliss

Warning: warm and fuzzy post coming up!

World, I am the happiest I have been in my entire life. It's due to a combination of several things, all of which revolve around my daughter, who is due in 16 short weeks!

Tonight, it hit me hard...in Target of all places...just how happy I really am. I was just wandering around with a fountain soda (yes, I still drink a Coke a few times a week) and aimlessly browsing the home aisles, storage, and the baby aisles and I literally got teary eyed. It is so strange, but I was just so happy in that moment and really allowed myself to revel in it. Revel in the fact that I have a wonderful family, amazing friends, a great job, a loving husband, and a daughter who likes to move around and kick at all hours of the day and remind me that she is there and she is thriving. (On a side note, as per usual, I walked out spending $100 on who knows what.)

Also, my happiness can be attributed to a re-prioritizing in my life. I am focused on the positive and all the little stuff that used to get to me, suddenly doesn't have a place. If I start getting stressed, it's easy to focus my attention on the more important things happening right now and realize that the other things are not worth my energy. It's wonderful to stop my churning mind and say "wait, does this really matter? Is it really worth upsetting yourself over?" It rarely is.

I laugh louder, hug longer, and love stronger now than I ever have, and I hope this is something that I can maintain for a long, long time.

So that's what that was!

For about 2-3 weeks now I have been feeling "something" in my belly. At my 20 week appointment the Dr. asked if I was feeling movement yet and my answer was "maybe??". Seeing that I haven't felt it before, I really didn't know what it would feel like.

Well, now Noelle (yes, that's her name and no, we aren't looking for opinions) has been moving a lot and a few days ago I actualy saw a big kick! Now we have a little game where she starts kicking and I'll lightly poke and she'll keep it going. In my world this is a fun game. I'm sure in her world, it is thoroughly annoying. But hey, I'm mom, and I'm bound to annoy her one way or another :)

I have to say that this is a whole new level of joy to actually feel her and to know I have a tiny little human growing inside of me. The ultrasounds are great because I can see her, but this is just something different that I can't describe...but I know all that have been pregnant understand what I am saying.

Only 18 more weeks and we get to meet her! Last night I had a dream that she was born at 2 AM (no date in my dream)...we'll see how that goes!

A long time coming

Hello-

It has been a long, long time. 5 months...and here I said I was going to take a picture every day. The break was partially due to work and a very busy schedule, but it is mostly due to my pregnancy. You see, I've known I was pregnant since March 23rd and since then, the only things I wanted to write about were 100% baby related. However, I have been so terrified of losing the baby that I didn't want to put anything out there which would later pain me if the worst case scenario were to play out. Now that I am 20 weeks and at the halfway point, I'm feeling more safe and really letting it sink in that I have a daughter on the way.

Just a quick background - it wasn't an easy path for us to get pregnant. I won't go into details, but due to a condition I have, a "natural" pregnancy is next to impossible for us to achieve. I went through the highs and lows of treatment, with the ultimate high being the day I got the call to tell me my blood test showed I was pregnant! I had taken a test the previous day, which was negative, so this call was totally unexpected. The happiness, while always present, was quickly overshadowed by my fears of all that could go wrong as a result of the condition I have which made it difficult to conceive in the first place.

Seeing a heartbeat on April 16th helped me to relax a little and when I passed that first trimester mark with another ultrasound showing a healthy baby, I finally shared the news with everyone.

So now here we are at 20 weeks and we just saw our baby girl yesterday and she was bouncing around, kicking her feet, and had an arm up over head...which, oddly enough, was the exact position I was in at the time. I think about her all the time and find that my happiest moments are those when I see her or hear her heartbeat and know that she is doing ok. She is growing and developing as expected and I can't wait to meet her.

Now that I have finally put this out there, I promise to write more often! Lots of happy moments to document in the next few months, and really, for the rest of our lives with our daughter :)

Here I am at 20 weeks!